Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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