When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
