Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
