need another drink. this is the easiest way
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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