Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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