non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
