Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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