His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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