Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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