I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Help. Why am I so naked?
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