She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
