Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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