You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
