I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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