I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
