Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
