Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
