I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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