He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
