If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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