Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
