he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
