do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
