You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
