my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
