Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
