i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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