Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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