dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
