she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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