My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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