I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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