I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
