Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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