and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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