If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
