Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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