You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
