You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
