I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
