my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
