I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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