then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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