who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
