so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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