imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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