No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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