I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
