My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
