i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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