My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
