my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
