we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
