I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
