true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
