Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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