I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
