clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
