is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
