my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
